Plot Twist
by Skydiver1
Summary: Post NFA: Angel and Buffy are together in Rome. Several old friends visit.
1. Chapter 1

Rome:

It was a beautiful evening, Roger Wyndom-Pryce thought as he strolled down a quiet, tree-lined street. He was still somewhat bemused at the strange circumstances which had led to him taking a walk with a retired vampire slayer, a former mystical ball of energy, an ambiguously gay apprentice watcher, and the infant reincarnation of the Scourge of Europe. 

He caught up to Buffy. She looked up at him inquiringly.

"Nothing's amiss," he said. "I was merely pondering the, well, frankly, bizarre, turn of events leading to this moment. 

Buffy nodded. "I know what you mean. It is pretty weird when you think about it," she said, gesturing at Angel, who was happily chewing on a teething ring. 

"Quite," Roger said.

"This is not exactly what I expected," Buffy said with a sigh. "I dreamed of this for years, Angel human, the two of us living together. My dream did not involve changing diapers or wiping up baby puke." Angel kicked his legs. "My fantasy man," she said ruefully.

"I dreamt for years that I'd be the one to destroy the Scourge of Europe," Roger said. "This morning he sat on my lap and we watched Teletubbies. I'm glad Quentin Travers wasn't there to see me." He pointed an accusing finger at the baby. "You probably did this deliberately." Angel grabbed his finger and gave Roger a toothless smile.

Andrew, as always, a nervous fussbudget, said, "It's getting late. Shouldn't we be getting back to the apartment soon? Say, about now, before the creatures of the night attack?"

Roger, unable to repress his scorn, said, "Don't be a coward, boy. You're in the company of a slayer."

Stung by the criticism, Andrew muttered, "I hope a vampire shows up." At that moment, a mini-skirted blond bumped into him. "Hey, watch it!" Andrew snapped.

The girl glared at him, vamped out, then, before anyone could react, changed back to her human face, grabbed Buffy into a hug and shrieked, "Buffy! It's great to see you again. Your hair looks so cute that length! Look at those shoes! They're so cute!"

Buffy, taken aback, gaped at her. "Harmony?" she said at last. "What are you doing in Rome?"

"Ahem," Roger said, trying to get Buffy's attention. "Shouldn't you be reducing this fiend to a cloud of dust about now?" Both Buffy and Harmony ignored him, while Dawn and Andrew watched their reunion with interest.

"I'm working at the Italian branch of Wolfram and Hart," Harmony said happily. "I transferred after the LA branch got destroyed."

"You have a job?" said a flabbergasted Buffy.

Harmony nodded. "I'm a special assistant to Ilona Bianchi, our CEO," she said brightly. "Angel gave me a great recommendation right before, he, well, you know."

"Wolfram and Hart, the evil law firm?" Buffy said, still trying to absorb the fact that of all the graduates of Sunnydale High, Harmony Kendall was the one with a real job. She's working for a top level law firm, pulling down enough money to buy designer shoes, while I ended up at Doublemeat Palace wearing a paper hat. That is just so unfair, Buffy thought. My grades were much better than hers.

"Yeah. It's great, and Ilona gave me a really big raise. Not that I'm saying Angel was cheap or anything, but you know how cheap he was," Harmony said. 

Roger rolled his eyes. He started to say something, then paused. Why bother, they're incapable of appreciating my dry British wit, he thought caustically. Bloody yanks.

Spotting Angel, Harmony knelt down, chucked Angel under his fat little chin and said, I didn't know you had a baby. He's so cute. He looks just like Angel." She vamped out, much to the baby's delight. "So when did you have a baby, and who's the father?" she said.

"Uh, he was born in May of 2004," said Buffy. 

Harmony looked confused, as her brain, unaccustomed to thinking, tried to work out the dates. After a period in which everyone could have sworn they heard the sound of rusty gears, Harmony spoke. "He's Blondie Bear's, isn't he?" she said with a flash of her old jealousy.

"Don't be daft, woman!" said an exasperated Roger. "William The Bloody was a vampire, he couldn't have fathered a child! Besides, just look at the lad. His coloring alone proves he's no relation to that murderous fiend."

Harmony smiled at the compliment to her beloved Blondie Bear. "Where'd he come from then," she said, a puzzled frown creasing her brow.

Buffy started her tale with, "Cordelia Chase, you remember her?"

Harmony rolled her eyes. "She was only my best friend for eight years, Buffy. Yeah, I remember Cordy."

Buffy continued her story. "Anyway, one day last May she shows up here on my doorstep, hands me the baby, and says 'Angel shanshued after all. I'd raise him myself, but I can't, what with me being dead and all. So here he is. Enjoy the diapers and the 2:00 a.m feedings. Oh by the way, thanks to all the scooby gang for coming to my funeral, your eulogies were so moving. Oh yeah, that's right, none of you bothered to show up' then she vanished. I mean that literally." Buffy shook her head. "Dead, and she's still a bitch."

"Hey! She was my best friend," Harmony snapped. "And I went to her funeral. Where were you?" 

Buffy shuffled her feet, looked away, and muttered something about having been busy. 

Andrew finally found his manhood. "Begone foul fiend of hell!" he declaimed, brandishing a cross at Harmony; much to his chagrin, instead of quailing with fear, she giggled.

"Hi Andrew," Harmony said. Looking down at the baby, she said, "Remember when we used to play house with my Cabbage Patch dolls?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Andrew said huffily. 

"Sure you do. You always dressed up in my clothes and pretend you were the mother. Tucker used to call you 'Mr. Sissypants'," Harmony said.

Andrew turned beet red. "I have no recollection of any such event," he said stiffly. Dawn snickered. Once again, Roger rolled his eyes.

Buffy, belatedly remembering she was a slayer, made a half-hearted attempt to stake Harmony, who nimbly leapt over a ten foot wall and disappeared.

"That was an interesting turn of events," Roger said caustically. "It seems you've let yet another vampire survive to do evil."

"Don't get bent out of shape over it," Buffy said. "Harmony's too dumb to do much damage. Besides, I know where she works. I'll go there first thing tomorrow and deal with her. Let's all go home." 


	2. Chapter 2

Wolfram and Hart's Roman office:

Buffy, accompanied by a nervous Andrew, strode forcefully into the lobby of the Wolfram and Hart building. Unfortunately, the dramatic effect of her entrance was ruined by the presence of Angel. It's hard to make a grand entrance when you're pushing a stroller. 

She was still steamed about having to bring Angel to the Roman headquarters of Evil, Incorporated; Dawn had slipped out the door at 6:30 a.m. to spend the day with her boyfriend, Fabio. Just wait until she gets home, Buffy thought peevishly. Adding to her annoyance, the assorted Wolfram and Hart employees continued about their business, completely ignoring the intruders.

Waving away a cloud of tobacco smoke, Buffy said, "I want to speak to your CEO."

A voluptuous brunette, dressed in a micro-mini skirt, slowly descended the main staircase. "I am Ilona Bianchi," she said. "And you are?"

Buffy hated Ilona on sight. Drawing herself up to her full height of 5'2" she said, "I'm Buffy Summers."

Ilona sauntered over to Buffy, thrust out her munificent bosom and said, "I have heard much about you. You were the lover of both Angelo and Spike, such handsome men," She eyed Buffy from top to bottom, sniffed, and said, "I was expecting you to be a much more womanly woman."

Buffy glared daggers at Ilona. Ilona sneered. The two women circled each other warily for several minutes; every man present, yes, even Andrew, hoped for a catfight.

Sadly, their hopes were dashed by Angel who chose that moment to let out a loud yell. Ilona, upon seeing him, cried, "Ah, little Angelo! What a darling bambino!. I heard from Harmony that Angelo had been reborn as a human. I see it is true. Such a handsome man he was! And will be again. He will grow up to be a strong, magnificent stallone, a prince among men."

"As long as he doesn't run into any gypsies," Andrew muttered.

He was overheard. "Gypsies, bah, we will not speak of them again." Ilona spat. "What brings you here?" she asked.

Buffy felt that it was high time to assert herself. "I'm here because you're harboring a dangerous vampire," she said, a touch of steel in her voice.

Ilona refused to be intimidated. She took a step towards Buffy and said, "My employees are none of your business, little skinny one."

"I can't let Harmony wander around Rome," Buffy said. "She's a loose cannon." Several bystanders, having met Harmony, made the universal 'she's nuts' sign.

Ilona gave Buffy an incredulous look. "Harmony? Dangerous? Do you mean the same girl I hired as my receptionist? Bah! She is too weak and how do you say, idiotic, to be evil. Besides, she has given up human blood. She claims it has too much cholesterol. You Americans and your health fads," she said with a shrug.

"What's the deal with hiring Harmony? I mean, she's not exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier," Buffy said, still ticked off that Harmony had landed a good job.

Ilona shrugged again. "She is blond and pretty. It does not matter that she is stupid. Anyway, she is not here. She is taking a vacation. She won't be back for six weeks." Amused at Buffy's chagrin, Ilona continued, "Unlike you, we are a civilized nation, we understand the value of leisure time. Now go."

Buffy briefly considered trashing the place, but decided it wouldn't be doable with Angel present. Damn, having a kid really cramps your style, she thought. And Harmony getting six weeks paid vacation! That really frosts my Wheaties. Swallowing her irritation, she gave Ilona her best false smile, she said, "Thank you very much for the information. Tell Harmony that if I see her, I'll stake her on sight."

Ilona responded with an even phonier smile and said, "Good luck to you, little flat one." 

Buffy glowered but held her temper, much to the disappointment of the male bystanders.

Two days later at Buffy's apartment:

Buffy heard a knock on the door. "Get it willya, Dawnie," she said. 

Dawn answered the door, had a brief conversation with the visitor, and returned with a large envelope. "It's from that law firm," she said, tossing the envelope onto a table.

Buffy picked up the envelope gingerly, as if she feared it contained a lethal virus. Finally, she ripped it open and removed the contents. Roger leaned forward, eager to see what the minion of evil had sent the Slayer.

"It's a birth certificate," Buffy said. "An Italian birth certificate for Angel. Except she's got him down as Angelo."

"Most decent of her," Roger conceded. "May I ask whom is listed as the mother?"

Buffy scanned the document, trying to decipher the Italian phrases. "I am from the looks of it." She sighed. "Oh well, just what I needed. At least will come in handy in case anyone starts asking questions about Angel." Buffy frowned. "I can't make the rest of it out."

Dawn snatched the birth certificate out of Buffy's hands. "My Italian is a lot better than yours," she said. She read a few words and started snickering.

"What's so funny?" Buffy snapped.

Dawn kept laughing. After a few moments, tears streaming down her face, she calmed down enough to say, "It says the father is 'unknown'."

Buffy turned beet red, grabbed the paper out of Dawn's hand, and yelled, "I don't believe this! That Tuscan tramp put both down 'Father Unknown' on this birth certificate. Now everyone's gonna think I'm a bimbo." 

Roger manfully refrained from comment.

Dawn said helpfully, "At least they didn't put down Spike's name." 

Buffy glared at her. "Don't forget who's paying your allowance," she said. Dawn had another attack of the giggles.

Deciding to ignore her sister, Buffy put the birth certificate down, picked up Angel, and said, "Well, at least everything is back to normal here."

Unbeknownst to Buffy, someone had been watching her apartment for days, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. At midnight, after using a complex series of spells to deactivate the magic shield Willow had placed over the building, a shadowy figure entered Angel's room, took him from his bassinet and disappeared into the dark Roman night. 


	3. Chapter 3

An Abandoned Warehouse in Rome:

Spike felt a sharp pain in his side. "Oof," he grunted, then rolled over. Another jab of pain sliced through his other side. Bloody hell, he thought resentfully. Can't a vampire sleep off a drunk without being nibbled to death by rats? 

"Wake up, Evil Undead," a peevish voice said.

Spike opened his eyes blearily, and looked up. There was a woman standing above him, a woman clad in flowing white robes. For one wild moment Spike thought he was seeing an angel. The illusion was shattered by another swift kick. 

"Get up," she snapped.

Spike curled into a ball, and whined, "Stop kicking me, Cordelia."

"You ran out on him," Cordelia said. "You coward."

Spike gingerly rose to his feet and moved out of kicking distance. "That's a bit harsh, isn't it"  
Cordelia gave him a dirty look. "You left Angel alone to fight the dragon."

"All right, I concede I exercised the better part of valor in that particular instance," Spike said. 

Cordelia put her hands on her hips. "Why?" she demanded.

"Because I came to my bloody senses, that's why!" Spike said. "There I was, about to sacrifice my unlife to save the world for the second time in two years, when it occurred to me that perhaps this whole 'let's take out the Circle in a suicide mission' plan of The Big Poof's was, well to put it bluntly, idiotic."

Cordelia gave him another dirty look, but said nothing.

Spike continued. "As I was saying, there I was, standing next to Charlie's rapidly cooling corpse, watching the dragon swoop down, when I had my epiphany. So I hacked my way through the crowd, stole a car, left Los Angeles in rather a hurry, and made my way to Rome."

"H'm," Cordelia snorted. "Anyway, I don't have much time so I'll get right to the point. You need to go to the La Dolce Vita Cemetery as soon as possible."

Having recovered his composure, Spike sneered. "Why should I do that?"

Cordelia smiled sweetly. "Because if you don't, I'll follow you everywhere you go and make your unlife a living hell. Remember, I was called the Biggest Bitch in Sunnydale for a reason."

Spike admitted defeat. It was bad enough being a penniless, orphan vampire. He didn't need a vengeful ex-cheerleader/Higher Power on his case. "Okay, okay," he mumbled. "I'll go there. Any particular reason why?"

Cordelia smirked. "You'll see why once you get there."

La Dolce Vita Cemetery - 2:00 a.m.:

Spike made his way through the ancient burial ground quickly, pausing only to dust a newly risen vamp. Was this why the Cordelia had sent him here? he wondered. As he approached a large crypt, he heard a familiar voice singing a lullaby. It was Drusilla singing to Miss Edith. No, not a lullaby, rather, she was singing a gruesome song about nuns, blood and the full moon set to the tune of a lullaby. Spike grinned. It was good to know that in a fast moving, chaotic world, something's never changed.

Bounding into the crypt, he was surprised to see Drusilla cuddling, not Miss Edith, but a real, live human baby. Spike didn't know which was more shocking, the sight of Dru holding a baby instead of one of her dolls, or the fact she hadn't eaten the infant yet. Rousing from his shock, he said jauntily, "Honey, I'm home."

Drusilla stopped singing. "My little Spoike," she said. "The stars told me you would come to me tonight."

"Er, yes," Spike said. Of course, he thought. Cordelia sent me here to save the brat. "Let me see him, love," Spike said, edging closer to Drusilla. "That's it, let me take him for a moment." Drusilla relinquished the baby. 

So small, so tasty, Spike thought, as the child wriggled in his arms. Automatically, he vamped out. Surely the cheerleader won't begrudge me a little taste.

"William! Don't you even think of eating that baby!" Drusilla yelled.

"Furthest thing from my mind, love," Spike lied. Mustn't think about what a juicy little morsel he was, how delicious, how sweet and pure the blood in his little veins would taste. No, he must be strong. He had a soul now. He was a noble champion, a warrior of the light, he didn't eat babies anymore. Besides, if the Slayer ever found out, he'd die a gruesome death.

Spike held the child awkwardly, staring down at his face. There was something eerily familiar about this child, he thought. He'd seen that face before, seen that combination of deep set brown eyes, thick black hair, and decidedly Neanderthal brow, but where? The penny dropped. Bloody Hell! Spike nearly dropped the baby as the shock hit him. Oh the unfairness, he thought. The Big Poof had earned his shanshu after all, whilst he, Spike, who had saved the world as many times as the Poof had, remained a vampire. Unfair.

Spike pushed the negative thoughts away. "Hello Granddad. I didn't think I'd see you again," he said. Angel cooed. Spike put on his game face again. The baby giggled. Spike turned to Drusilla. "Happy as I am to see me grandsire again, what is he doing here?" he asked.

Drusilla favored Spike with one of her crazy smiles. "I took him from that nasty Slayer," she said.

"Yes, I see that," Spike said. "But why?"

"To raise him. The two of us," she said. "You and me and Daddy. We'll be a family again."

It took a moment to sink in. "Raise him as our own?" Spike said. "Are you mad? How are we supposed to take care of a baby?" 

Ignoring his dismay, Drusilla twirled several times and said dreamily, "When he's big again, I'll turn him." 

Spike felt a chill run down his spine. She means it, he thought. She seriously expects me to put up with The Big Poof, all right, The Little Poof, for the next twenty or so years, feeding him, changing his nappies, teaching him to walk, helping him with his homework, the whole lot only to have him back, big as life and twice as evil, once again supplanting me in her affections. Bloody Hell!

Angel chose that moment to emit a particularly 'fragrant' blast. Spike and Drusilla, both equipped with a super-human sense of smell, gagged at the stench.

"Ew!" Drusilla screamed. "Miss Edith never does that! Bad daddy!"

Spike saw his chance to escape fatherhood. "Pet, it'll be months before he's properly housebroken. Perhaps we should put your plan on hold for a few months, or better yet, a few years," Spike said, waving the noxious cloud away from his face. "Let someone else do the dirty work, as it were."

Drusilla was outraged. "Give up my daddy! Never!" she cried. Angel let loose an ear-splitting wail, accompanied by another toxic cloud. "Well, you might have a point," she conceded.

If he were still capable, Spike would have breathed a sigh of relief. Always one to seize the moment, he tucked Angel under one arm and quickly made his way to Buffy's apartment. Spotting the open window, he leapt onto the convenient balcony, crept softly into the baby's bedroom, and placed Angel in the bassinet. Problem solved, he thought smugly. Good thing Dru disabled the mystical barrier.

As he turned to leave, every light in the apartment turned on, and he found himself surrounded by The Niblet, Percy's father, that poncy Andrew, and a very pissed-off slayer, each one wielding a weapon. "Oh bloody hell!" Spike said. "Could this night get any worse?"

Andrew was devastated. "Eating a baby! Oh how you have disappointed me!" he said, nearly in tears. "I believed you were a warrior of the light, my Gandalf, my Yoda. But no! Once again you turned to the dark side of the force, you, you, Vader!"

"I didn't harm the Little Poof. Check for yourself, you twit," Spike said, edging slowly towards the window.

Roger aimed a lethal-looking crossbow directly at his heart. "If you didn't mean to harm the child, why were you stealing him?"

"I wasn't stealing him, I was putting him back," Spike said. "Dawnie, you believe me, don't you?" he said desperately. Dawn glared at him.

"Enough talking, more killing," Buffy said. "Get him!" 


	4. Chapter 4

Epilogue:

Spike settled into the dark train compartment. It had taken all his wits, some fast talking, and hurling Andrew into Roger Wyndham-Pryce, and just what was he doing there anyway, Spike wanted to know, but he had managed to escape the Slayer's apartment relatively unscathed.

As he waited for the train to start, he worked up a brood worthy of Angel. Made a fool of by the Immortal not once, but twice, nearly killed by an angry slayer, thrown in jail for tax evasion, Rome just wasn't a good place for him, he thought bitterly. 

Ah well, always look on the bright side of life. Perhaps Milan would be better. Surely the worst was behind him; what could possibly go wrong now, he thought, his mood lightening.

The door opened and a young woman entered the compartment. Spike looked up, first with interest, then with dawning horror as an all too familiar voice squealed, "Blondie Bear!"

The End. 


End file.
